i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
