you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
