The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
