On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Randomize
