she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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