I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
