Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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