I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
