Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
