I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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