This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
