Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
