you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
