Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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