so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
he puts the penis in happiness.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
