Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Randomize
