can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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