My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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