I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
