I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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