I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
