I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
