maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
