don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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