Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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