I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Randomize
