So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
