smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
