Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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