i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
