he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
you mean i was at the winter classic?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
