apparently the secret to your success is patron
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
