i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
