Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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