i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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