I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
