my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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