The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
