I need to stop coming to work sober
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
