Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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