she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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