What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
