I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
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