Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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