He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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