hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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