How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She bit a glass in half.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
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