I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
