Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
