I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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