Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
